Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
