She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
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