dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
