I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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