Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
