Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
So much Jack, so little girl.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
