Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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