The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
