she takes plan B like it's going out of style
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
