He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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