So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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