toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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