spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
