dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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