im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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