Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
