doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
