I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
