I can text with my tongue
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
