i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i drank out of a bidet.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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