i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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