I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
