i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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