one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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