My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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