We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
