Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
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Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
