I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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