I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Randomize
