WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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