i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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