I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
