and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
