i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
