tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I love how my cats smell like pot.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
