Your dad touched me again.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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