i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Randomize
