forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
