I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
