I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
