I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
