no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Randomize
