You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
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