yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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