True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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