I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
