my phone needs a breathalizer
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
