Cold hands, warm shart.
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
