bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
