I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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