don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
