her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
