I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
