I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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