Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
